Everyone Dies at the End
by DoceoPercepto
Summary: Several Happy Tree Friends decide to go to Hawaii. Unsurprisingly, they don't quite make it there.


**A/N:** _Humanized_ , AUish just because no one knows each other at the beginning of this story, and the town they normally all live in doesn't exist. Haha, I still can't believe how long this ended up being. Like, whyyy?

All characters are adults here, and page breaks indicate POV changes.

Fair warning, I took none of this seriously XD

 **Everyone Dies at the End**

"E-excuse me? U-um, can you please, um-" Flaky stuttered to a halt. Oh, it was much too noisy in here. If she wanted to get anyone's attention, she'd have to speak louder. "Um? Excuse me? Please? Um?"

"-will be _such_ a great trip," the taller girl rambled on to her blonde boyfriend, who nodded and smiled at anything and everything she said. "Can you picture it, Cuddles? In just another day, we'll be lounging on the beach, gazing over the stunning beaches of Hawaii. I can't _wait_!"

"Anything for you, Giggles," her smitten boyfriend replied. He hadn't looked away from her eyes for a moment.

"Aww, you're so sweet…."

"Um, hello?" Flaky was beginning to wonder if maybe she should move along and ask someone else for help, when at last the couple detached.

The woman – Giggles? Was that really her name? – with astonishingly pink hair and a bright red bow, finally seemed to notice the plight of Flaky.

"Oh! Hi there. Do you need something?"

"U-Um, y-yes…."

"Spit it out, honey."

"Giggles," her boyfriend said half-sternly, resting a hand on her shoulder.

"Okay," Giggles sighed. "What do you need?"

"W-well…" Flaky held out her boarding pass with quivering hands. "I need to board my flight in half an hour, but I can't find the gate…. I-I was hoping someone might be able to help me find it."

"Sure, hun." Giggles took the boarding pass and flicked a leisurely glance at it. "Well, you're in the right terminal, love, but you need to get over to gate C-sixte- wait." She frowned and looked closer. "Are you going to Hawaii?"

"Y-yuh-yes. My grandmother is very sick and I need to visit her."

"Imagine that!" Giggles slapped Cuddles' arm lightly. "She's going to the same place we are! Girl, you can follow us to the gate! We have the same flight."

"O-Oh, really?" Flaky flushed. "Th-that's great!" But actually _terrifying_. Flaky had a mortal fear of flying (she'd never done it before), and she really didn't need someone trying to help her through it. Really, it would all be much better if she could just hide in the bathroom and tremble her way through the entire flight. Now she might be stuck sitting by someone who would get really concerned about her terror!

"Yeah, come right along! I'm Giggles, and this is Cuddles!"

"I-I'm Flaky…."

"Well come along, Flaky. We'll get you sorted out."

With Cuddles' and Giggles' help, Flaky managed to find her way to the gate (turns out it was really close after all), and sat with the chatty couple until it was boarding time.

While Cuddles and Giggles immersed themselves in a conversation about past dates (did they ever talk about anything except their relationship?), Flaky let her gaze drift around the airport.

If she let her mind wander, maybe she could forget about the looming fear of flying, and about the potential for a crash, and how awful it'd feel to be plunging from –

No, she couldn't let her brain conjure up these situations already! She hadn't even boarded yet. Oh, if only her grandma hadn't gotten sick….

"Hey, what are you lookin' at?" a low voice suddenly barked at her.

Flaky jumped and looked up. The man across from her was staring at her with narrow eyes.

"N-nothing!" Really, she had just been looking around…

"I'm a carpenter," the guy grunts. "Stuff happens."

Only then did Flaky realize the guy didn't have hands. Like…. Both his hands were completely gone, and his wrists were bound up in bandages.

"I-I wasn't staring at that…" she stuttered.

"Yeah, that's what everyone says…." He glanced away.

"Really! I'm just, I'm really nervous about flying and I was looking around to get my mind off it."

"Oh." The man frowned. "Sorry for jumping to conclusions. Most people stare and it gets – y'know. Doesn't make it any easier that my name is _Handy_. I mean what is this, a joke to someone?"

"Yeah," Flaky giggled nervously. "I can bet that'd get annoying. I'm F-Flaky, by the way."

"Flaky? And afraid of flying, huh? You and that guy in the corner have the same problem." Handy nodded his head, and Flaky followed his gesture.

Sure enough, in the furthest possible seat, crammed in the corner of the waiting area, was a man dressed entirely in green camouflage, all scrunched up in his seat with his hands on either side of his head. He was rocking gently forward and backward, and his head was entirely hidden behind mossy green hair and a beret.

"Oh," Flaky said softly.

There was three empty seats on either side of the poor man, and anyone even slightly close to him were looking on with concerned or worried glances.

Handy snorted. "You're doing better than him, at least. Hey, stay away from him, okay? Went to the john about twenty minutes back. The guy was staring at his reflection and muttering under his breath. Creepiest thing I've ever seen."

" _Oh_."

Handy laughed. "Don't look so scared! Look, flying is a breeze – literally! I fly all the time."

"Y-you do?"

"Sure. It isn't no trouble at all. Don't you know you're more likely to get hit by lightening than experience a plane crash?"

"A-am I?" Flaky looked furtively out the window, hoping it wasn't raining and resolving to never walk outside in the rain again. That was just too dangerous!

"Flaky!" Giggles tapped the redhead's arm quickly. "We're boarding now! C'mon, group A, that's us. We're going to Hawaii~"

All the color dropped from Flaky's face. "R-r-right, Hawaii…."

"Look, you're seat A12, you see that? That means you get a window seat, isn't that awesome?"

"We have assigned seating?!" squeaked Flaky.

"Well, sure. Just find the seats labeled '12' and then nab that window seat. C'mon Flaky!" Giggles grabbed her arm and dragged her into line.

While their boarding tickets were scanned, Flaky forced herself to take deep breaths. She would make it through this. She wasn't going to die on this plane. It wasn't going to fall from the sky. She could do this.

They passed the airport official and walked onto the plane. With every step, Flaky tried to imagine herself somewhere else. Maybe back home, with a good book on her lap, cocooned in a nice blanket –

"Good afternoon," the flight attendant greeted (was that an air freshener on her neck?) when Flaky passed.

"M-m-m-morning!" Flaky squeaked and darted past.

Giggles gave her a reassuring pat on the back. "Nervous about flying?"

"N-No!"

"You'll do great. Look, here's your seat! Cuddles and I are a little further back, but if you need anything mid-flight, feel free to come back to seats 24!"

Flaky nodded to show that she understood, and then slipped into her seat by the window. Planes were a lot more crowded than she imagined. It was all so overwhelming. If the plane started coming down, she wouldn't be able to run anywhere…. Not that it'd be useful to run anyway. But at least the freedom to do so was reassuring in its own way.

Flaky scolded herself. No more thoughts about crashing!

Someone slipped into the seat beside her – so quietly that she almost didn't notice. But the flash of green tipped her off.

She gasped. The guy, the one who was sitting in the corner! The one who Handy said had been talking to his own reflection! What if he was a psychopath? What if he was a terrorist? What if he was going to bomb the plane?

Flaky gazed on in abject terror as the man calmly rearranged his military-issue backpack between his feet, and then pulled out a book and buried his nose in it.

Or… maybe he was just a regular dude. Flaky was much too shy to introduce herself – and anyway, he looked pretty immersed in that book. Better to just ignore him.

A few minutes later, a tall lanky individual awkwardly wormed his way into the aisle seat directly beside weird camo-guy.

"Whoooops, sorry! My bad! Was that your arm? Oops, it comes from being this tall…. Can't always keep track of all these limbs. Mind if you scoot over a bit? I need to fit my backpack in here."

Tension visibly crawled up camo-guy's back as the new passenger made himself loudly and disruptively comfortable.

"U-um, excuse me?" Flaky spoke across camo-guy. "Could you be a little quieter? M-maybe? I-I think he's trying to read, I mean…."

"Oh, sure!" the lanky guy said, swiping his long blond hair out of his face to reveal bright child-like cerulean eyes. "I'm Lumpy, you know! What's your name? I _love_ meeting new people." Lumpy stuck his arm completely across camo-guy, both jostling him and accidently hitting his book.

"F-Flaky," she uttered, reluctantly accepting the handshake.

"Flaky! That's a great name, wow! Have you ever been flying before? I haven't! I'm so excited!"

If this guy wasn't about six feet tall, Flaky would have guessed him to be a twelve year old boy.

"Hey, don't be a recluse!" Lumpy suddenly addresses camo-guy. "What are you reading a book for? Don't you know planes are a great time to meet new people? A whole six hours of social time! I can't wait!"

Camo-guy doesn't respond. His knuckles are pale from gripping his book so tightly. Although his eyes haven't lifted from the page, they aren't moving at all, and Flaky knows he isn't reading.

At that moment, the plane starts up. Flaky freezes in terror as it turns – slowly, slowly, slowly – ohgod why was it going so slowly? Does it _want_ to torture her? Does it take so long just so people afraid of flying can become _more_ afraid?

Her arms wrap tightly around her chest and the shudders start. Oh no. Ohno-ohno-ohno. She should have hidden in the bathroom and curled up in fetal position while she had the chance. She should have –

A low, short growl distracted her. She glanced over to find that camo-guy had dug his nails into his book. His eyes were narrow, and his teeth gritting together.

Then the plane really started moving. It got louder, rattling and jostling and screaming with its speed. The rumbling was punctuated by declarations of amazement by Lumpy.

Flaky closed her eyes tightly. This was it. This was her death. Fast approaching, inevitable –

Then her stomach dropped. She gasped out, and looked out the window.

They were off the ground. Off the ground and way way up in the air.

Squeaking, she hid her face in her hands. Away went California.

"Woohoo!" declared Lumpy. "Wooweee!"

Flaky decided that yes, she most definitely was dying.

* * *

"Food? Water?" Petunia smiled brightly as she went down the aisle. She was especially happy to be doing her job today, because she had just got another freshener that morning. Everyone would be able to smell that pine freshness! It was the most perfect kind of perfume. She hoped that all the passengers would be able to tell.

"Food? Water?" She held a cup down aisle 12.

"N-n-no thanks," stuttered the redhead crammed against the window, looking very much as though Petunia had politely asked to chop off her head and serve it to the other passengers.

"Oh, me me!" the passenger seated closest to the aisle happily grabbed at the cup and sipped it down. "I'd love some peanuts too! That'd be awesome!"

The redhead's chin jerked up. "Peanuts? P-please, keep them away from me!"

"Do you have a peanut allergy?" Petunia asked, furrowing her brow. "No one declared a peanut allergy for this flight…."

"I-it's mild," the redhead answered. "I'm okay as long as I don't eat them."

"Oh, excellent. Here's some peanuts, sir."

Hopefully, the way she leaned over him enabled him to smell that pine freshness!

"Food? Water?"

After serving many passengers – and happily spreading that good pine tree smell – Petunia finally reached the front of the plane. The other flight attendant, Sniffles, was looking a little concerned.

"Have you seen my new freshener?" Petunia whispered to him.

"Not now, Petunia." His eyes darted nervously under his glasses. "Captain Russell thinks there's something wrong with the engine."

"The engine?"

"Y-yeah….. He doesn't know if we should be worried yet or not. Things go wrong a lot, after all…. But he sounded serious this time…."

"Bah, he's always worried about something or the other when it comes to planes."

"I guess so…" Sniffles agreed.

"ARGGH!" a voice screeched behind them suddenly. "YARR!"

Sniffles and Petunia stiffened. "O-or maybe it's something more this time," Sniffles yelped.

"Should be alert the passen-"

Abruptly, Captain Russell's voice broke out over the intercom, "This plane be going down! Strap yerselves down! This'll be a bumpy ride!"

As if right on cue, the plane made a hideous dry coughing sound, and its metal frame shuddered violently, throwing Sniffles and Petunia to the floor.

"We're gonna die!" Sniffles screamed.

The entire cabin erupted in chaos. Some passengers leapt out of their seats screaming, only to be thrown straight off their feet. Other passengers remained frozen, clutching their seats and looking horrified.

"Everyone!" Petunia yelled, climbing to her feet. "Put on your oxygen masks, just like we described at the beginning of the flight!"

"I wasn't paying attention!" someone shrieked.

"Well, just put it over your head!" Petunia howled back. "Don't be stupid!" Okay, not the best flight-attendant politeness, but really, what idiot wouldn't pay attention in the beginning?

"Everyone, stay calm!" she continued firmly. "This plane is equipped for landings on water, everything is going to be okay!"

Then the plate really nosedived. Petunia's feet left the floor; Sniffles and a few passengers slammed into the ceiling.

"Yaarrr, hold on!" the intercom blared.

"We're gonnnaaa ddiieeee!"

Then impact. The plane's hull smashed into the ocean and crumbled; water rushed in and flooded the aisles; all around was screams and yowls of abject terror and horror.

Petunia's body was slammed forcefully against the ceiling by the water – but she retained consciousness. The only thought was to get out, to get free. If she stayed in the plane, then she would die. If she got out… well, then there was a _chance_ of survival.

Navigating through debris and water, Petunia walked her way along the wall by clinging to seats and luggage bin handles; all around her people were thrashing. Some stuck in their seatbelts, some free-swimming. A few had already gone still, whether by drowning or from impact, Petunia did not know. Her only concern at this moment was getting to the life raft that was a requirement for each plane.

She reached the raft container and yanked it open; sure enough, a little yellow raft was stored there, deflated into a neat square. Snatching the raft under her arm (air was getting a little short, her eyes were being bombarded by black dots), Petunia whirled in place and kicked off a chair. She bypassed a passenger struggling with their seat beat. Without thinking, she reached down and opened the seat belt.

No time to see if they would manage to get free. She needed out of the plane, _now_. Already her ears were popping from pressure. If the plane sank much further with her in it, then she would either die on the ascent to the surface by sudden pressure changes, or die from drowning.

Petunia located the emergency exit door and kicked free of the plane. With her swam another passenger – Petunia vaguely recalled serving him earlier, but couldn't remember much else.

It wasn't her concern at the moment, anyway. Every man or woman for him and herself.

Petunia paddled up and broke the surface of the water, inhaling a deep breath of air. Right. First step, getting out of the plane. Then reaching the surface. Now – she yanked a string on the raft and within two minutes, it was completely inflated.

Already exhausted from paddling, Petunia dragged her limp body into the raft. For a while all she could do was lay splayed in the raft, staring up at the sky half in disbelief.

Six years of being a flight attendant, and never one crash. Not until now. And now…. Now what could she do? They had been at least two hours away from the coast of California…. Not quite halfway to Hawaii…. With miles and miles of ocean on either side.

"H-help! Please, help now!" a sodden voice yelped. Petunia glanced over the edge of a boat and saw two passengers paddling and clinging to the boat.

"You didn't see anyone else coming up from the water, did you?" Petunia said hopefully as she helped the soaked couple into the raft.

"Brrr… N-no. There was a man shortly behind us, wearing a bunch of camo… but I don't know where he went."

"I hope we aren't the only ones…" Petunia murmured, worriedly surveying the carnage around them. By this point, the entire plane had been submerged. All kinds of luggage, clothing, and flotsam drifted on lazy waves.

"Oh, Cuddles, this is just awful…."

"We'll be all right, Giggles…. We'll make it through… somehow…."

The couple hugged tightly while Petunia gazed out over the water. "We can't be the only survivors…."

"Wait, what's that over there?" Giggles pointed.

Petunia squinted. Yes, that was a person! The redhead who had sat behind the window! Her hair was all slicked down now, and halfway covering her face, but that deep red color was unmistakable. "Quick! There should be paddles, hurry!"

Cuddles and Giggles quickly untied the oars from the sides of the raft and set to work paddling them closer. As they approached, it became obvious that there was actually two people, not one, clinging to floating bits of luggage.

Petunia reached out her hand to the redhead. "Here, grab ahold!"

Heaving hard, she pulled the redhead into the raft, and then held out her hand for the second person.

The second person growled and waved a stubby wrist in her face. "Does it look like I can grab on?" he barked.

"There's some rope back here," Cuddles called out. "Could we use that?"

"W-w-we c-could t-tie i-it around H-Handy's waist," suggested the redhead.

"Handy?" Petunia said. Man, that was an unfortunate name for a man missing both his hands. But the idea of the rope was good. "Here, toss it over! Um, if we just knot it into a circle…." Here she was stumped (no pun intended). She really didn't know much about knot making. "Anyhow know how to tie a good knot?"

Cuddles and Giggles shrugged helplessly; the redhead shivered and shook her head.

"Uuummm." Petunia fiddled with the rope. "Riight."

"Just throw it to me!" sighed Handy. "I can tie a knot around my waist."

"Are you suree?" Petunia squinted.

"Throw the rope!"

She obediently tossed it towards him and discovered that, sure enough, Handy was perfectly capable of tying a knot around his waist using only the nubs of his wrists.

With the help of Cuddles and Giggles, Petunia towed Handy to join them in the raft. Luckily, the hexagonal raft seemed to be able to comfortably fit about 25 people, which meant that their current total – five – wasn't at all limiting them in terms of space.

Nonetheless, Petunia couldn't help searching the water around the wreck in the desperate hopes that someone else would emerge. Unfortunately, they were beginning to drift away from the main crash site.

"Five seems like such a small survival rate…." She uttered worriedly.

"Brrr…" Handy hugged himself tightly. "I'm just happy to be outta that water. Gotta save our own skins before we can worry about anyone else. What kinda supplies does this raft come with?"

"HELP!" Someone abruptly screamed. "Get me out of here! Help! Help!"

A slick hand slapped down on the side of the raft, and none other than Sniffles' face appeared over the edge, twisted in panic. "Petunia! Ohmygoshmygod Petunia I'm so happy to see you get me out of this water!"

"Whoa whoa relax," muttered Handy.

Petunia nabbed Sniffles' hand and tugged the flight attendant into the raft, where he splayed out ungracefully. His chest was heaving in panic.

"P-Petunia, s-someone is killing _everyone_ down there!" Sniffles yelped. "Q-quick, row away! We need to escape."

"Sh-sharks!?" the redhead suddenly burst out. "O-oh n-n-no, I heard all about sharks…."

"Not sharks," gasped Sniffles. "Not some _thing_ …. Some _one_. He pulled a knife on the other passengers! Underwater! I swam as fast as I could, but he could be after us! We need to go!"

"Sniffles, calm down," Petunia snapped.

"A murderer!" The redhead cringed and trembled.

"You really afraid of just about everything, aren't ya?" Handy grunted to her.

"What if he's telling the truth?" Giggles chirped up.

"Maybe we should start paddling away," added Cuddles.

Petunia shook her head. "Look, we're already pretty far from the crash now. Even if there _was_ someone killing all the other passengers, they probably couldn't reach us now."

"B-But I saw them!" Sniffles retorted.

"I don't want to be killed by a murderer on a life raft!"

"You!" Petunia pointed. "What's your name?"

"F-Flaky…."

"Flaky, stop being terrified of things that will never happen. We have a real problem on our hands. And Sniffles, you stop spouting these stories."

"But I saw him," whined Sniffles. "He was all scary-like, he wore all camouflage and he had a knife with him!"

Handy slapped Sniffles hard across his face with his nub. "Sorry. But this lady's right. We've got a real problem to deal with."

"What are we gonna do?" whimpered Giggles. She and Cuddles still were… well, cuddling tightly together. "How will we survive?"

"By staying calm," Handy muttered.

Petunia continued, "Every life raft comes with special supplies for instances like this. Let's see…."

This prompted a group effort where everyone (except Flaky, who shook and shivered in the corner and looked terrified) piled the supplies out of the raft pockets and into the center of the raft itself.

At the end of the supplies-stacking, they had gathered three light flares, one tarp, one life raft repair kit, two oars, eight pints of water, and a bunch of chewy bars, plus some bottles to dye the water around them.

By the time everything had been categorized, the sun was setting and everyone concluded that it was too late to sort of the rations just yet – plus no one really knew how to go about doing that, or about any plan for the future.

The ocean gradually swallowed the sun, and with it swallowed the warmth. Six silhouettes huddled together on one yellow raft. The waves lazily rocked the raft, from side to side, side to side…. All wondered if they would survive the night.

* * *

Flaky lay curled up in the far corner of the raft. The cold of the ocean still hadn't really left her body, and her clothes hadn't dried. As the night deepened, her shivering worsened. It shifted from shivering out of pure terror and some residual coldness, to shivering out of coldness and some residual terror.

Part of her still hadn't gotten over the shock of the crash. Part of her still believed that she must be having a terrible, terrible nightmare. Surely soon she'd wake up? She'd wake up and realize all this was just another awful conjuration of her morbid imagination… right?

But another part of her knew. And that part was _terrified_ for the present events.

Maybe an hour back, Cuddles and Giggles had slunk together and fallen asleep on the opposite side of the raft. Petunia and Sniffles had also curled up together for warmth, likely just because they knew each other and were needy enough with the chill of night.

Handy, like Flaky, made himself a spot in the raft alone. Unlike Flaky, it seemed like he had managed to get to sleep.

How could everyone fall asleep so easily? Weren't they afraid of murderers? Or sharks? Or starvation? Or acid rain? Tsunamis? Anything could go wrong!

Sure, some people call that paranoia, but Flaky liked to call it common sense.

Sighing, Flaky turned over to lay on her back. She looked up at the stars and –

Her stomach dropped. Her eyes shot wide open. Sweat prickled at her skin. There was a knife. Long, silver, lethal-sharp. And its point was aimed directly above her face.

She wrenched her jaw open and unleashed a blood-curdling scream.

"H-hey shhh shh, w-wait, I'm sorry for scaring you! I'm not scary at all, I promise!"

Then the knife was gone, and in its place was a worried pale face with bright green eyes and dripping green hair.

"Aaaaahhhh!" Lurching to her feet, Flaky ran the whole three strides to the other side of the raft, and collapsed there.

Naturally, her screams woke up the rest of the passengers, and pretty soon everyone was awake and surveying the new arrival.

"Sorry! I really didn't mean to scare anyone. I'm Flippy. This guy behind me is Lumpy." Flippy offered a shy smile and a wave. Behind him, a clumsy lanky child-man plopped into the raft.

Petunia rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "You came from the downed plane too?"

"How are you still _alive_?"

"It's him!" Sniffles leapt to his feet. "He was the one killing passengers underwater!"

"Sniffles! Calm down!"

"Killing passengers?" Flippy rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Sorry, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Th-then where have you been all this time!? Systematically murdering anyone who didn't make it to the raft? Are you gonna murder all of us now?"

"Sniffles, that is not appropriate!" Petunia growled.

Luckily, Lump chirped up in defense, "Flippy here was with me the entire time! We're great buds now."

Flippy's eye twitched. "Yeah, great friends…."

"Surely you haven't been swimming all this time?" inquired Cuddles.

"We were hanging onto some luggage for a while," admitted Flippy, "but then we saw this raft in the distance. We've been swimming after it for hours now."

The occupants of the boat (sans Flaky and Sniffles, who were still terrified) exchanged amazed glances. Who could swim for _hours_? That was almost inhuman.

"We sure are beat!" Lumpy said cheerfully and situated himself into a more comfortable position. He threw his arms behind his head and grinned up at the stars. "Wow, I'm ready for some rest!"

"Don't happen to have any blankets, do you?" Flippy added.

* * *

Morning broke, and the varied occupants of the ship roused themselves. Most of them had been dreaming of home, of happier places. They all woke distressed and groggy after recalling what had transpired the day before – all except maybe Lumpy, who seemed too dumb to realize the severity of their situation.

"We'll need to set up that tarp," Flippy said thoughtfully as he paced back and forth over the raft. "And ration out the supplies. I may be able to use some of these materials to catch fish, but water is going to be harder to come by."

"Hey, who put you in charge?" grumped Handy.

Flippy smiled shyly. "Sorry. If someone wants to lead, that's fine. It's just, this all is sort of familiar to me."

"D-did you b-bring down a different plane too?" Flaky stuttered out.

Flippy's face twisted up in a frown. "I didn't bring down this plane. Flaky, right?"

"Y-y-yes…"

"Please stop making these accusations. I didn't bring down the plane. Why would I crash a plane that I was on?"

Flaky was silent, because she didn't really have an answer for that.

"Guys, I don't mean any harm," Flippy continued, eyeing everyone uneasily. "The only reason this is familiar is because I used to be in a war. I'm sorta used to rationing food and all that."

"I think he should be leader," Cuddles said, and Giggles nodded approvingly.

"He sounds like he knows what he's doing!"

"Aw, thanks guys…. It's just stuff you pick up in war."

"He's just waiting to kill us," muttered Sniffles.

Nonetheless, it was universally agreed that Flippy knew what he was doing and basically no one else did. Therefore, they left it up to him to set up the tarp in such a manner that half the raft was shaded, and half was not. This would protect from the sun, Flippy explained. He then rationed out the food and water, allotting each person only a few sips a day.

Organizing and rationing stuff like this was almost reassuring in its familiarity. He felt in control of the situation, and exceedingly relaxed for the fact he was, y'know, stranded on a life raft with a grim prospect for survival.

But… it wasn't like life-or-death situations were uncommon for him. As long as nothing too startling happened, he should be able to keep everything under control.

Sure, he'd lost it a bit when the plane actually crashed but…. Now that things had calmed down, maybe he would be able to keep from flipping out again.

Assuming that Lumpy didn't piss him off too much. Flippy aimed a small glare his way. It would be real awful it he flipped out just because of that long-limbed bundle of idiocy.

Truthfully, Sniffles might become a bit of a problem, too. Even now he was huddled up with Flaky and _constantly_ watching. Okay, okay…. So he _had_ seen Flippy kill a few passengers under the water. But that had been an accident!

Most of them would have drowned anyway… right? Flippy cringed.

Well, anyway, it was about time he started fishing for food. Flippy sat down and pulled out a few fishing hooks from his pocket (you never know what you might need while traveling!). "Does anyone have fishing lines?" he asked, holding up his hooks.

Flaky's trembling hand lifted in the air. "I-I uh h-have um s-some string f-for sewing. W-would that work?"

"That'd be awesome! If we tie enough strands together, it should be strong enough to hold a fish!"

"R-right…." Flaky inched closer to Flippy, shaking head to toe. She pulled out a spool of thread and head it as far from her body as possible to maintain as much distance as she could.

"Thanks!" Flippy accepted the thread, trying to ignore Flaky's complete terror of him. Honestly, if he let himself get bothered by it, then he might get frustrated, and frustration could lead to some real problems. So instead, he knotted together several strands of thread into a workable fishing line. He cut the thread using his teeth, since pulling out the bowie knife tucked in his waistband seemed like a poor choice right now.

"Will th-that really work?" Flaky asked, eyeing the line as Flippy tied it to one fishing hook.

"Only one way to find out!" Flippy dropped the hook into the water, and held onto the other end of the string.

He whistled cheerfully to himself and prepared himself to wait quite a while. Flaky, surprisingly enough, stayed close to his side and watched in fascination. Perhaps she had never been fishing?

The others had gathered at the other end of the boat, and were muttering in low tones that made Flippy somewhat uncomfortable. C'mon, it was obvious that some of the passengers didn't trust him, but did they have to be so outright about it?

Flippy sighed and kicked his feet up. Maybe if he caught a fish, he'd be redeemed in their eyes.

… Flaky was still staring at him.

Flippy cleared his throat. "Um, do you need anything?"

Flaky jumped. "N-no! It's just… I've never fished before."

"That's a pity. It's really pretty easy. At this point, we're just waiting for a fish to bite."

"C-can I try?"

Flippy raised an eyebrow. "Sure… I don't see why not." With a smile, he handed over the thread. "Look, I made a little loop here so it can go around your wrist. Better for keeping ahold of the line! If you feel any tugs, just start pulling on the line and bring in the fish, got it?"

"Th-thanks!" she flushed and accepted the line.

Good, this gave him the chance to see what everyone else was talking about. He sidled over inconspicuously. "Heey guys. What's up?"

Petunia – he was pretty sure that was her name – glanced up, her air freshener dangling at her neck still. "We're trying to determine where we are, and if we're close to land at all."

"We aren't having any luck," Sniffles confessed miserably.

"But this compass sure is fun!" Lumpy declared, shaking the aforementioned compass.

"You don't have any war experience that would help with this, do you?"

Flippy's face fell. "I've never been stranded at ocean before…. I'm not even sure where midflight we were when we crashed."

"I-I-I got a fish!" Flaky suddenly screeched.

"Quick, pull on the line! Reel it in."

Flippy and the others quickly crowded around her.

"Whoo, fish!" Lumpy hollered. "I love fish!"

"I-it weighs a lot…." Flaky tugged hard on the line, but the fish tugged back harder; Cuddles and Giggles quickly grabbed Flaky to keep her from flying out of the boat.

"Maybe you should let go…." Flippy said nervously. "It might be too large of a fish…."

"N-no, I think I got –" At that moment, Flaky's hands – both clutching the line – flung up above her head. The hook flung out the water, and attached to it was nothing less than a small shark. The shark went sailing right over their heads and splashed on the opposite side of the raft.

The fishing hook, meanwhile, arced magnificently in the air and impaled Sniffles' eye. The poor flight attendant let out an inhuman wail of great pain and clutched his eye.

"Sorry sorry sorry!" Flaky was repeating like a holy chant, her own eyes wide and horrified.

"Get it out get it out!" Sniffles begged, tearing up.

"I'll get it!" Lumpy declared, and yanked on the line. The line, hook, and Sniffles' left eye all came loose and dropped to the floor of the raft.

"Hold still!" Flippy ordered. "I have a first aid kit with me, if you'll just let me –"

But Sniffles' one good eye caught Flippy approaching. In his panicked state, he didn't register that Flippy was there to help. All he could remember was how he'd seen that same man wielding a knife and stabbing to death other passengers.

Screaming, Sniffles backed up rapidly. His knees struck the back of the raft. With one last yelp, he went tumbling overboard. Red stains blossomed up in the water where he fell, and the fins of multiple sharks appeared.

Flippy froze, staring at the blood. His breath became ragged, and little tremors crawled their way up his back.

"Holy mother of crap!" Lumpy exclaimed. "Someone, go save Sniffles! You! Giggles! Go save him!"

With this said, Lumpy picked up Giggles and tossed her enthusiastically into the water. The maws of several hungry sharks greeted her, and Cuddles watched in horror as they tore her apart.

"Huh. Guess that didn't work. Hey, Handy, how's about you try!"

Lumpy grabbed Handy to toss him in, but the carpenter was having none of it. He kicked Lumpy's stomach hard, causing the tower of a man to throw Handy and scrunch up in fetal position.

Handy crashed into Flippy and the two of them went sprawling to the raft floor.

Flippy blinked hard and seemed to snap out of some daze. "Quick!" he commanded. "Everyone get to the middle of the raft! Avoid the edges!"

"Lumpy threw my girlfriend into the water!"

"Sh-sh-sh- _sharks_ …."

"How could you!?" Cuddles seized Lumpy's shoulders and shook him hard. "We were just about to go on a Hawaii date! Why would you throw her in you idiotic piece of lard?!"

* * *

Nobody was happy. Lumpy was aware this was partially his fault. Apparently it had been wrong to throw someone's girlfriend into an ocean full of ravenous sharks. Who knew?

But he was determined to make it up to everyone, Cuddles in particularly. Said Cuddles was currently curled up look much too depressed. So Lumpy had to make it right somehow.

But how…. What could he do that would cheer up Cuddles?

Hmmm… He tapped his lips and gazed up at the sky as if it would give him all the answers.

Wait…

Wait a minute.

Was that…?

He squinted up. It was! A plane! A plane flying overhead!

"Petunia, Petunia! There's a plane flying towards us, do you see it!?" Lumpy jumped excitedly up and down and pointed.

"Get out the flares!" Handy shouted, leaping to his feet.

Petunia darted straight to the pouch where they had stored all the supplies, and yanked out one of the two flares. She was about to set it off when Lumpy swiped it from her hand.

This was his chance! If he set off the flare and alerted the incoming plane to their predicament, then their resulting rescue would be all because of him! That way, Cuddles would forgive him and everyone would stop being mad at him!

Grinning wide, Lumpy held the flare up to the sky and yanked the cord.

…. Nothing happened. His brow furrowed.

"Did you pull hard enough?" asked Flippy worriedly.

"Damnit, work, work!" Tug tug tug went the cord. But the flare just wouldn't activate.

"Quick, try the other flare!" Handy said.

"No, I got this." Frowning, Lumpy cradled the flare near his chest, and wrapped the cord around his finger. "If I just…. Pull hard enough…."

 _Snick_ - **BAM** – The cylinder exploded in his hands. The blood-red flare went screaming out from the ruined cylinder, and shot straight into Cuddles' mouth. He swallowed.

The poor Cuddles had only a tiny moment to look horrified. This is the split second where his life in theory should flash before his eyes. Maybe the second where he discovered his impending death and attempted to come to terms with it.

If, however, we got a glimpse into his mind in that split second, we would learn that he had space for only one thought,

" _Oh shit_."

Then, in a magnificent explosion, a multi-colored array of flaming light spewed from Cuddles' stomach, accompanied by slick bits of flesh and organs. Cuddles collapsed to the ground, his body effectively severed in half.

The raft erupted into chaos. Lumpy and Handy backed away in horror; Petunia stared in absolute disbelief. Flaky's jaw wrenched open as if to scream – but she never got the chance.

An eight inch bowie knife plunged through the back of her skull. Its gleaming blood-slicked tip protruded between her parted lips like a lethal silver tongue.

"Hehehehe…." Flippy chuckled behind her.

Naturally, this led the other raft residents to freak out even more.

"He's gone completely insane!" Lumpy reeled back, throwing his head from side to side. He needed to find a way to stop Flippy, now!

"How do we stop him?" Petunia blurted.

"I know!" Lumpy lunged to the oars.

"He's gonna kill us alllaaaAAGGHH-!" Handy thrashed as Flippy grabbed the back of his head, but his screaming made it much to easy for Flippy to force glue from the life raft repair kit down his throat. Handy fell to his knees, gurgling and gagging as swiftly hardening glue bubbled from his tear ducts and nostrils.

"Here!" Petunia bolted for the water bottles. Barely even thinking of her actions, she unscrewed the lid and promptly dumped all the contents over Flippy's head.

Everyone went still (except Lumpy, who was still digging around for oars). For a moment, Petunia wasn't sure if her idea had done anything at all. But then, slowly, Flippy stood up and clutched his head. His voice, when he was spoke, was back to normal and not deep anymore. "G-God. I'm so sorry guys…. I should have warned you sooner…."

"I got it, I got it!" Lumpy howled, leaping victoriously over the blood splattered remains of Handy, Cuddles, and Flaky. Behind him, he hauled one of the oars. "I'll protect you guys!" With a determined grunt, Lumpy brought the oar swinging around in the air; it collided with a sickly organic crunch against the side of Flippy's head.

The camouflaged man slumped into a bloody heap, his skull entirely shattered and his eyes rolled back.

Lumpy and Petunia stood panting, standing in a pool of blood from their prior comrades.

Petunia rounded on Lumpy. " _You_ are such an _idi_ -"

The plane flying overhead nose dived into the raft, shredding both it and its inhabitants.


End file.
